I'm the Queen of the world. Obviously.

Every now and then (or rather, this one time..ha.) I logged in to a program that tells you the stats of your blog. I put it on there just out of curiosity. I logged in once when I made it, and then promptly forgot about it.

Then a couple months later, I was all - OooOOo YEAAAAAAAH. What about that thingymabober dealio? 

You know, the one that tells you stuff.

I then proceeded to waste entirely too much time googling 'the-thingy-ma-bobber-that-tells-you-stuff' - which let me tell you...tells you a whole lotta NOTHING. Well..unless you were interested in a ton of search results which were entirely useless and not at all what you were looking for. The internet should really get better at reading my mind.

So I finally refined my search terms and figured out what I was looking for. 

Found it.

Spent entirely too much time trying to remember my password.

Especially since it was the same password I use for blogger.

Which I PROBABLY did to make it easier on myself.

(Doh.)

And then I logged in.

And I looked around. 

I was all...oooooo! SQUIGGLY LINES!

Squiggly lines are super fun. Doncha know. 

Then I was all...OOOH! NUMBERS!

But then I remembered that I hated math and was all OOOO. NUMBERS.

(Note that the exclamation points were removed. That means numbers are no longer something to be happy about.)

And I looked around and started clicking things at random.

I did this for a while, until I realised that I still knew nothing, and was (yet again) wasting my time.

I had no idea what any of the numbers meant.

I have no idea what a bounce rate is.

I don't think that I CARE what a bounce rate is.

But I clicked around aimlessly - and then I saw a number that made me go WHAAAAAAAT

Looked a little like this.

And like I said before, I know nothing about math. 

But clearly, if your blog is up approximately 15000% of ANYTHING...it clearly means that you're super popular and awesome.

And I was all - I don't need some silly thing-a-ma-bobber internet thing to tell me THAT.

But then I logged back in a few days later to see if I was still OMGLYKESOSUPERPOPULAR

And I found this:

(Super crappy pic off my phone..doh. Didn't realise it was that bad until RIGHT NOW.)

And I was all - Aw darn. Peeps don't love me anymore.

But then I realised that the google program was probably just a big stupid head, because going up 15000% would be a bit of a stretch. 

And besides, 93% of 15000% is still probably like, a ga-jillion percent.

Which probably means that there is one person on the internet who visits this blog.

Or something

I don't know, I told you - I don't do math.

For all I know, it could be ELEVENTY MILLION new followers who all who plan on worshipping me and making me the next queen OF THE WORLD. 

Or something equally as awesome. Like proclaiming cupcakes to be a healthy breakfast alternative. 

Being popular, even by default of programs being messed is SO awesome. I can feel it already. 

So I'm just going to wait for my grand coronation of queen of the world. 

As I wait for the REALLY important thing - the copious amount of cupcakes that I can only assume comes with the gig

If you need me in the meantime, you can find me googling 'thing a ma bobbers that tell you stuff that doesn't make your brain explode'.

I mean what else do you expect? 

Refined search terms are totally where it's at.